Mirror With Its Own Reflection
by grimdreamer
Summary: Kaoru is different to Hikaru, but he struggles to carve his own identity.  When Mei sees Kaoru by himself, will she appreciate him for who he is or keep thinking he is only the same as Hikaru?  Kaoru/Mei.
1. Kaoru: The Lonely Twin

**CHAPTER I**

Kaoru was jet-lagged. After spending two weeks in a city on the other side of the world, he wanted nothing more than to curl up on his ergonomic mattress and lose himself in the realm of sleep. The business trip had physically and mentally drained him. Besides spinning introductions to his mother's friends and colleagues, promoting her summer collection or finding his own amusement, the simple act of experiencing these things without Hikaru had really worn him out. It was rare for Kaoru to feel this way as he would normally vanish behind the façade of his twin, allowing Hikaru to take the lead and speak on his behalf, but there had been no one else on this business trip to hide Kaoru or enable him to hide.

As a consequence, the topic of conversation seemed to focus on Hikaru's whereabouts and whether it felt strange for Kaoru to be somewhere by himself. Some of his mother's friends were not even aware of Kaoru having a twin, a fact which Kaoru found very difficult to believe and very bizarre to deal with. Whenever he had to explain that there was someone who looked just like him back in Japan, identical in every way thinkable, they were pleasantly surprised, and from Kaoru's perspective, possibly humouring him, as if it were a joke. So when Kaoru finally returned home, deeply perturbed by these new revelations, he could not wait to see his twin Hikaru again.

Impatient, Kaoru tapped an index finger on his armrest, feeling that the faster he tapped, the faster the limousine would progress up the driveway – he ceased the instant he saw someone waiting in the distance. _Hikaru,_ thought Kaoru, straining against his seatbelt and pressing his cheek on the tinted window.

Before the limo had properly stopped, the door flung open and the twins gave each other a bone-crushing hug whilst chattering with undisguised relief at being together again. For a moment, Hikaru broke the embrace to welcome their grinning mother, who deftly placed something on the older twin's ear, which Hikaru discovered to be a tiny nutcracker hanging on a loop of string. 'Thanks, Mum!' said Hikaru, adding it to the other charms hanging on his cell-phone. Kaoru watched, somehow disappointed.

'Well, I'm tired now,' said Kaoru, following the heavy-laden porters into the Hitachiin mansion. He felt a hand on his shoulder, heard the concern. In that practised way he had perfected overseas, Kaoru smiled. 'We took loads of photos. You should see them while I'm freshening up.' The hand fell away and Kaoru could sense his brother's gaze, even as he climbed the grand staircase and walked out of sight.

Everything was different.

In the bedroom they shared, Kaoru flopped onto the ergonomic mattress he had dreamed about and closed his eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of his brother on the pillows and blankets. _It would have to end someday,_ he thought,_ this comforting universe_. The end had already begun with their parents taking one twin halfway across the world whilst leaving the other at home. Their parents had humoured them – Kaoru could see this now – hoping that the twins would someday decide for themselves without being told, without being pushed. But now they were being pushed. They were being pushed to become two separate people, and Kaoru, for one, was not confident that the time was right.

From the third floor, he could hear Hikaru and his mother laughing and wished that he was down there too, but it was his own fault for staying awake the entire journey. Had he not discovered the economy class, a section of the plane where only commoners were seated, perhaps Kaoru would have had some rest, yet was it not so weird to see everyone sitting in rows, tightly packed like an audience at the cinema, eating food in plastic containers like Haruhi's bento box, using plastic cutlery as if they were children…?

'Can't get to sleep?'

Kaoru's eyes flicked from the ceiling to the door: a middle-aged man was standing there, holding a tray with a canned energy drink beside a folded napkin. 'Hi, Dad,' said Kaoru, almost mistaking him for a servant. 'What have you got there?'

His father entered, closing the door behind him, and presented the tray to his son. 'A natural and organic pick-me-up: just for you.'

The can sparkled in the afternoon light; Kaoru was touched. 'Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate this.'

'So how was your trip? Was it exciting?'

'Exciting?' mused Kaoru, wrapping the can with the napkin to remove its chill and keep it dry.

He supposed the trip had been exciting. At first, it had seemed almost liberating to be away from his twin, embarking at last on the path to being different. He could go anywhere as himself without people being confused or forcing them to pick which was Hikaru, which was Kaoru. It was a challenge Kaoru felt he could meet head on – he had even said this to Hikaru, hoping that nonchalance would make the fortnight less daunting, less worrying.

On the contrary, it made Hikaru feel worse.

'I can't believe I'm not coming,' his twin had fumed, the fragments of a broken ornament scattered at his feet. 'Why are they doing this? Why are they separating us?'

Kaoru studied the carpet, crestfallen. The ornament was a horse – had been a horse – brought back from one of their father's trips to America. Although it was hardly the most expensive of items, its destruction was wrong in some way, as if Hikaru had destroyed not only their father's affection but Hikaru's own.

'They said it's for the best,' Kaoru had mumbled. 'Come on, Hikaru, it's not that bad. It's only for two weeks. Think of all the fun you'll have with Tamaki and the Host Club. You'll have Haruhi all to yourself. Think of all the fun you'll be having with her.'

'But I want to have fun with you!'

'And you will: when I come back.'

Hands grabbed Kaoru by the arms, pinning him to the spot. 'Why are you being like this? You're acting as if it's no big deal.'

'Hikaru–'

'It's not fair to leave me behind and you know it.'

'This isn't about fairness, Hikaru…'

'Then what is this about?'

All the way to the airport, Kaoru had thought very hard, smiling weakly at his mother's attempts to cheer him up on the plane. _What was this really about?_ Silent, Kaoru flicked through his English phrase book, mouthing the introduction his mother had written. She was fluent in English now – fluent, at least, in the pleasantries and talk of fashion – so he trusted her pronunciation and command over grammar, trusted that she had not included an embarrassing confession on his childhood somewhere.

'This sentence here,' said Kaoru, underlining the words with his manicured finger, 'what does it mean?'

His mother glanced over her magazine. 'It means "I have an older brother and his name is Hikaru".'

'What's the English for "twin"?'

'You won't need it.'

Kaoru felt a moment of panic. 'But I _am_ a twin.'

'Everyone knows that, so there's no need for you to repeat yourself.' The magazine shook at his mother's private joke. 'You're not angry with me for doing this, are you?'

'It's only a word, I guess…'

'No,' said his mother, 'are you angry with me for bringing you alone?'

His father coughed.

Kaoru jumped. 'The trip was okay,' he said, mortified at forgetting his father. The man was perched on the end of the bed, a place where Kaoru had rarely seen him since he and Hikaru were little.

'What's the matter?'

Kaoru stared at the proffered handkerchief; he laughed and accepted, wiping his eyes. 'You could always tell, couldn't you?'

'Which one is Hikaru, which one is Kaoru? No, I couldn't always tell. You might think that I'm never around, that I never pay attention to either of my sons, but I've seen you and Hikaru grow up and I've come to know your differences. That time you were eavesdropping on me and Haruhi – pretty impressive, huh?'

'Pretty impressive.'

'But it still bothers you that your mother can't tell.'

'I'm over it. That was years ago.'

'Please, don't hate her for it. The reason why she can't tell the difference is because she doesn't want to.'

'Well thanks, Dad; that makes me feel so much better.'

'I didn't mean it that way…'

'She still can't tell us apart. Don't you think that's terrible?'

'Kaoru, will you try something for me?'

'What?'

'Who's your favourite, me or your mother?'

Kaoru was poised to laugh, but the expression on his father's face was very serious. Kaoru considered the question. Who would he choose: mother or father? From an outsider's perspective, he would probably choose his mother because she had played a more prominent role in his and Hikaru's childhood. She would dress them up, show them off at parties, and play the "Which is Hikaru, which is Kaoru?" game, despite getting their names wrong on a regular basis.

Then again, perhaps Kaoru would rather choose his father, the most reserved member of the family who could tell the twins apart without any problems. That instance where Kaoru had been eavesdropping: he realised for the first time how accurate his father could be, especially from only seeing through a gap in the door! That recognition had been pretty amazing…

Still, it did not make the choice any easier.

'I get it,' murmured Kaoru, closing his eyes. 'She doesn't want to choose.'

'That's right.' A palm rested on his hair, warm and consoling. 'Thank you, Kaoru. Sleep well.'


	2. Kaoru: Breakfast Party

**CHAPTER II**

Kaoru opened his eyes, turning off the alarm on his cell-phone without glancing at the empty space beside him. Early morning rays filtered through the linen curtains drawn tight across the French windows, and outside, he could hear the creaking laugh of the cicadas as they started their mournful symphonies. It seemed normal, thought Kaoru, pushing away the blankets and walking barefoot to the en-suite bathroom. This had been normal, waking alone and preparing for the day.

During the business trip, Kaoru had done just this: washed his face at the basin, raised it from the water, and dried its skin with a towel, ignoring once again the empty space beside him. If he stared long enough, hard enough, he could almost see how dissimilar his face really was to that of Hikaru's. He could see that his brows were slightly darker than his brother's; that they grew in a different way when left to their own devices, not combed, not plucked. And his nose, if Kaoru was not mistaken, seemed to be more delicate than Hikaru's, like his was a copy of the original nose, carved too many times by the sculptor who kept changing their mind on how the nose should really look, before hastily returning it to its original design. In seeing that his face could not possibly match Hikaru's down to every single detail, Kaoru felt less concerned about mistaken identities because if he could locate these minor differences between his face and the face of his brother, then surely others could as well?

Satisfied, the younger Hitachiin moved from the bathroom to the walk-in wardrobe, running his hands against the various fabrics, the various outfits. This had been normal too, choosing his clothes for the day without referring to what his brother had chosen. Even though the twins had ceased to wear identical ensembles, their school uniform being the ultimate exception, they still coordinated colours and patterns, materials and accessories, so that wearing different outfits did not cause a clash. But Kaoru had no idea whether choosing this outfit or the next would prevent this carefully devised system from falling apart; after all, if he showed up wearing the same shirt or had chosen a hue completely out of tune with Hikaru's, they would definitely look ridiculous.

Then Kaoru noticed the vacant hangers. 'So, you went for that outfit, did you,' he muttered. 'I suppose we won't clash if I wear–'

'Having trouble with the choice, sir?'

Kaoru jumped: a maid was peering curiously into the walk-in wardrobe, the thought of catching him naked not even entering her mind. 'You really should knock,' he scolded her, changing quickly into the first combination he had thought of. Checking his reflection in the full-length mirror, Kaoru was inwardly amused.

'Your favourite colours, sir?' said the maid.

'Probably,' said Kaoru, closing the wardrobe and stepping out into the sun-filled bedroom. His eyes narrowed against the glare. 'I was going to open those,' he told the maid as she fussed over the bedding, tugging at the blankets and fluffing up the pillows. Kaoru watched her for a moment. That had been normal too, tidying the bed. 'Is this what lonely people do?' he wondered.

'Sir?' said the maid.

Kaoru went red. _Talking to myself… what's wrong with me?_

He looked at the maid, studying her black hair and the way her fringe was parted to the right, just like Hikaru's.

'You're Meiko, right?'

'The one and only, sir.'

'Where's Reiko today?'

'Tidying your brother's room.'

The maid smiled and Kaoru felt stupid. Despite having an identical twin, Meiko did not seem troubled that she and her sister were in separate rooms or even on separate floors within the Hitachiin residence. Instead of denouncing the arrangement as insensitive and cruel, the maids would go about their individual tasks without clinging or complaining, pleased to reunite during their lunch breaks and finish their shifts at exactly the same time. _When had Meiko and Reiko started doing this? Was it hard for them? Had they ever argued about it?_ Kaoru supposed he should ask, though he had never asked before.

He stared at the coin suddenly in his palm.

'Penny for your thoughts!' smiled Meiko, skipping out of the room before Kaoru could respond.

Baffled, Kaoru followed her, descending the grand staircase and trailing in her wake as she led him to the sunnier side of the mansion. _Maybe Hikaru's there, already eating breakfast,_ thought Kaoru, suddenly depressed and losing his appetite. _While it's all well and good to pretend that he isn't my twin, being alone this morning had little to do with old habits from the business trip… I've probably upset him._

Kaoru paused on the threshold of the breakfast room, not sure he wished to go in.

'Bye now!' waved Meiko, skipping down a corridor to her left.

'Meiko, wait!'

But the maid had skipped out of sight.

Kaoru lowered his beseeching arm and turned back to the door which he had yet to open. 'Why am I nervous?' he said, shaking his head viciously as he was once again talking to himself. He would apologise to Hikaru, it was as simple as that. They had argued over bigger things, so this was going to be easy. 'Right,' said Kaoru, 'I'm going in.'

'_GOOD MORNING, KAORU! WELCOME BAAACK!'_

Kaoru blinked at the dazzling scene that greeted him. There were people standing in the breakfast room, casually dressed and clapping their hands behind tables sparkling with crystal and silverware, elegantly spread with continental platters and dishes. With the sunlight pouring in from the windows, the scene twinkled and gleamed, caught in a stark representation of all that was bright and perfect; so much so that its reality brought tears to the eyes of Kaoru, who promptly bowed to the assembled guests.

'Thanks,' he uttered in a very small voice, so happy that his friends had truly missed him. As he straightened, someone crashed into his body, hugging him fiercely.

'Missed you,' whispered Hikaru into his ear, renewing the tears which Kaoru had only managed to stop.

'Thought we didn't care, hmm!' said Tamaki, hugging both twins and twirling them around. 'Everyone's here for your breakfast party, Kaoru – even Hunny, the Shadow King, and Nekozawa, whose wrath I risked _thrice_ to ensure they attended!'

'My thanks, milord,' laughed Kaoru. He had genuinely not expected this. As he was seated at the head of the table, served a bowl of grapefruit, and given the choice of toast or pancakes, Kaoru almost cried again. He was so relieved. Nobody had ever done this before. In the past, parties thrown for him and Hikaru had always been joint affairs, never parties just for one twin.

_So who had arranged this? _

Kaoru looked up from his stack of twenty pancakes and met Hikaru's tender gaze.

'You gonna stop crying now?' asked Hikaru.

Kaoru reached for his brother's hand across the table. 'I love you,' he said.

'_AAAAWWWWWWW!'_

The twins blushed. 'Shut up!'

When the cheering had died down and everyone became occupied with eating breakfast, Kaoru could see that there was something worrying Hikaru, whose plate of scrambled egg and kippers remained largely untouched, albeit slightly reshuffled. It was then that Kaoru wondered if he should have thrown a party for Hikaru as well, to celebrate him coping. They had not yet shared their experiences, but Kaoru was certain that Hikaru had coped, because there were hardly any texts from him towards the end of the business trip, and that must surely be a sign of Hikaru coping…

…_right?_

'So did you hang out with Haruhi?'

A cloud hid the sun.

'Oh,' said Kaoru, 'bad question.'

Haruhi was sitting beside Tamaki not far from the twins, tolerating a lecture on fruits imported from New Zealand. 'We have to think of the climate,' Tamaki was saying. 'We may be rich, but we _do_ care about air miles.'

'I can't afford to fly or purchase apples from distant countries,' said Haruhi, 'so my air miles are even less than yours.'

Tamaki was devastated by this inconvenient truth. 'What if I walked to the end of the driveway and took a car from there?'

'How would _that_ off-set your air miles?'

Kaoru stifled a grin and continued eating his pancakes. As his eyes wandered down the line of guests seated at the table, taking in the Class President Kazukiyo trembling as he spoke with Kasanoda, who seemed pleased that his gardening pursuits were a point of interest, Kaoru noticed a girl he could not remember from previous occasions. She was drinking coffee from a teacup without any attempts to be graceful, simply lifting the cup to her lips, sipping it swiftly, and then placing it with a clink on its matching porcelain saucer.

_She drinks like a robot,_ thought Kaoru.

The girl glared at him.

'Are you having a good time?' said Hikaru, oblivious to his brother's confusion.

'Yeah,' said Kaoru. 'Do you know who that girl is? She just gave me the evils.'

'What girl? Not sure which girl you mean.'

Kaoru blinked; the seat was empty.

'I think I need a siesta…'


	3. Mei: Porridge and Peppermint

**CHAPTER III**

The driveway was exceptionally long, with an uphill gradient, and loose pebble lining. On the first day, attempts in overcoming this driveway had ruined Mei's favourite shoes, melted her make-up, and drenched her clothes as she slogged for more than half an hour to reach its distant summit. When she finally arrived at the foyer, shoes in hand and mopping her face with a foundation-stained towel, Mei almost screamed like a crazed animal, discovering too late that rich people did not have devices so crass as knockers and doorbells installed on their stupid, show-off mansions. She turned at the sound of footsteps.

'Yes?' called a cinnamon-haired guy, who was approaching the foyer with a bottle of water pressed to his forehead. He seemed to have come from the gardens, his expensive trainers lined with damp, freshly mown grass.

Mei stared at him, willing herself to regain her composure so she could answer his arrogant question without tearing his head off. 'Is Yuzuha in?' Mei asked through the gritted teeth of her smile.

The guy cocked his head, clearly appraising her. 'No, Yuzuha's on a business trip. _Unless_,' he said, suddenly close to her, 'you came for someone else?'

Mei flushed. 'Just who the hell are you?'

'God, you have _the_ worst memory.' Mei flinched as the guy offered her the cold water bottle. 'I'm Hikaru, remember, one of the twins? We met at your school and sang karaoke.'

'Right…'

Hikaru crossed his arms. 'So what are you doing here? I have two weeks of free time, and if you're not careful, you might end up being my toy.'

'I have no idea what you're yammering on about, but please could we just sit down somewhere? My feet are killing me!'

Hikaru's eyes dropped to Mei's bare feet. Then to the high-heeled sandals she was carrying in her left hand. 'What are you, an idiot?' he laughed, clutching his stomach. 'You seriously walked all the way up our driveway in the blazing heat wearing the most inadequate footwear and nothing more than a thick sheen of make-up? Please tell me you have at least Factor Fifty on your skin right now!'

'I don't, okay.'

'Oh,' said Hikaru, still grinning. 'You might as well come in. Remember to take your shoes off.'

'I'm Japanese, you moron, of course I'm gonna take my shoes off!' Mei thrust her sandals into the boy's hands and stalked into the hallway, shivering at the abrupt change in temperature. Behind her, Hikaru had already removed his trainers and was placing her sandals beside the door. He sensed her watching him and glanced up. 'So where are we going?' she asked, peering down the deserted hallway.

'Yeah, could you bring some porridge and peppermint powder?'

'Hey! You're supposed to be looking after your guest, not chatting to a doctor on your cell-phone!'

'And some earplugs, if you please: things could get annoying.' Hikaru snapped his cell-phone shut and smiled pleasantly at Mei. 'Come with me.'

'What was that all about? I hope you're not gonna feed me those things!'

'If that's your definition of lunch, then I really must feel sorry for you.'

They turned right on the hallway and passed some bowing servants on the way, who looked very much like the cast from a Victorian movie in their black and white dresses and precisely tailored suits. Mei tried not to let all this grandeur overpower to her, distracting herself by viewing the walls as they progressed down the hallway. There were paintings by artists known and unknown, featuring classical scenes of rural Europe alongside the more surreal geometries and portraits belonging to recent centuries. She nearly tripped on a fur-like runner softening the marble floor, feeling how exquisitely soft it was with the skin of her ankle. Was it made of fur… real fur?

Eventually, they reached what was called the "withdrawing room", a room where a host could entertain their guests without being disturbed. Bookshelves lined the far side of the wall, looming like sentries over the delicate furniture carved from oak and covered with longevity cotton – cotton so good it could not possibly be cotton, Hikaru had explained, as he showed her to the divan and prepared the basin of warm water with the peppermint and porridge present on the table.

A mischievous twinkle.

'W-what? I don't like that look in your eye,' Mei stammered, edging away from the guy as he neared her with the basin. 'Is this some kind of joke? W-why are you doing this?' Her feet were in the basin before she knew it and the effect was immediate. 'Wow,' she breathed, 'this is heavenly. I'm starting to feel so much better!'

'You see,' smiled Hikaru, pleased with Mei's reaction. 'I'm a good guy, so don't you forget that.'

'Hey…' said Mei, slowly easing herself upright from relaxed position on the divan, 'you're not expecting me to pay you back somehow, are you? I may look this way, but I'm not that easy.'

Hikaru blinked. 'How old are you?'

'So rude!'

'Just keep me company.'

'What?'

The guy's expression had changed. 'Kaoru isn't here for the next two weeks. Keep me company.'

'You're – you're gonna have to define what "keep you company" means.'

Hikaru smirked. 'It means "come and hang out whenever I ask you".'

And here she was, doing as Hikaru had asked, except Mei was better prepared this time, shading herself with an umbrella, wearing sensible shoes, and marinated in Factor Fifty to avoid further darkening her skin. Mei fumed as she reached the top of the driveway in less than fifteen minutes. His two weeks were up now, yet he still insisted on her visiting the house – sorry, the _mansion_ – because they were supposedly friends now or something, but Mei did not see it like that – oh no!

'Long have I endured your spoilt brat whims and shallow insults,' she growled, trying not to memorise the infuriating moments she had spent in his company when not rewarded with access to Yuzuha's prototype winter collection and free use of the sewing room and its mind-boggling catalogue of fabrics. 'With your brother back from his trip, why do you need me to carry on hanging out with you? Do you take pleasure in irritating the hell out of me or is this what you do to commoners in general? Great! Now I'm talking just like you, you silly-haired snob! What a nerve, calling me a commoner…'

A polite cough.

Mei quickly bowed to the butler. 'Forgive my interruption: is Master Hikaru within?' The butler stepped aside, returning her bow. She removed her sensible shoes and slipped her feet into the slippers which Hikaru had designed especially for her. Admittedly, Mei liked them. They were a pastel yellow with pale ducks sewn on the front. Then the romance of the gesture was blown away by the sound of male laughter.

The butler disappeared and Mei walked from the hallway to the grand staircase, where the laughter seemed to be emanating from somewhere on the first floor. Puffing her cheeks, Mei ascended the staircase, hearing the words more distinctly as she climbed higher and higher, closer and closer, to its origins. She could tell that one of the speakers was Hikaru, but she did not recognise who the other voice belonged to. As she reached the top of the staircase, the laughter erupted again – she was absolutely certain it was coming from one of the studies she and Hikaru had used to discuss and research new designs.

'Stop, stop, that is so _cruel!'_ begged the unfamiliar voice from a door on her left.

'But it's so true!' laughed Hikaru's voice. 'She really went and did that!'

Mei stepped towards the door slightly ajar. It showed a narrow view of a coffee table piled high with books. They were history books, the same ones she and Hikaru had browsed the previous afternoon in search of the period costumes they would help design for the Host Club – and just before Kaoru had returned from his business trip overseas.

'The girl is a triumph. She hasn't worn make-up since walking up the driveway. It comes off when she sweats and makes her complexion look nasty. To be honest, I'm personally glad she stopped wearing it. It totally ruined her skin.'

'Ruined whose skin?'

The laughter stopped and two identical faces turned to the trembling girl holding the door wide open.

'Hi, Mei!' said Hikaru, acting as if nothing had happened. His identical counterpart was eyeing her warily.

'Don't "Hi, Mei!" me, you imbecile!' Mei shouted, and threw her slipper at Hikaru's head.

'Hey, no need to take it out on me,' said the counterpart, catching the slipper which had almost struck him instead.

'And who the hell are _you?'_

'God, you have _the_ worst memory,' sighed Hikaru.

'Shut up, imbecile! You're the last person I want to hear from!'

'Hitachiin Kaoru, nice to meet you.'

The younger twin had removed himself from the sofa and was bowing respectfully to Mei, his hair as cinnamon as his brother's. Mei looked at her yellow slipper being returned on his upturned palms.

And hit him with it.

'That's for letting Hikaru continue being a jackass,' hissed Mei, turning on her heel and stomping out of the study.

Kaoru raised a hand to his stinging head. 'That wasn't very friendly.'

Hikaru shrugged. 'She's funny, though.'

'Should we go after her?'

'No, she'll be back.'


	4. Mei: Eavesdropper

**CHAPTER IV**

Mei fumed as she ran down the staircase, one yellow slipper still on her foot. How dare he laugh and mock her like that after all she had done for him! Was it her fault that the stupid twin was lonely, missing his equally stupid twin brother? She could have hung out with him for a day – that would have been enough to "pay him back" for dunking her feet in some sick concoction of peppermint and porridge. Supposed to heal sore feet? Mei had gone home and researched Hikaru's claim, refusing to acknowledge that the stuck-up little rich kid had an ounce of wisdom in him, but it was there on the internet for all to see: peppermint had soothing properties and porridge softened the feet. It had made her angrier to know the twin had been right!

'No more… Not his friend…' Mei promised herself, collecting her shoes from the foyer and ripping off the yellow slipper. _'So _not your friend anymore!' she yelled, only to be startled by the culprit standing merely inches from her face.

'He's sorry,' said the culprit.

'Why are you talking in Third Person?

'I'm Kaoru,' said Kaoru, rubbing his arm with embarrassment.

Mei looked him up and down. 'You're playing with me.'

'No, I really am…'

'You both look the same – prove it.'

'Er, I was upstairs in this outfit?'

'You must have changed.'

'I'm hardly Superman!'

'Whatever, Hikaru – Kaoru – whoever you are! Just get out of my face!' Mei barged past, aware that her words had upset the guy, yet her own thoughts and feelings came first, not the impact they were having on the twin no longer looking at her. 'Haruhi said you were nice, you know,' she continued, hand on the door. 'So I gave you a chance, because that's the least you deserve, right? But you've gone and blown it now by laughing behind my back. You should have played all those tricks and teased me to death instead of letting me down, Kaoru.'

Mei left before Kaoru could answer, but she could hear Hikaru's voice asking Kaoru if she had gone yet. As she grabbed her umbrella on the steps outside and used it to shield her face from the midday sun, Mei listened, trying to hear what was said, even as she stalked away from the mansion and down the driveway. 'You should have gone after her,' Kaoru was saying in response to Hikaru's question. 'What for?' came Hikaru's reply. 'She was eavesdropping; it's her own fault.'

Mei's temper flared; she dashed out of sight – then dashed back up the driveway and crept along the wall of the foyer, umbrella down, body pressed against the brickwork.

She edged nearer to the foyer.

Luckily, the twins had decided to remain where they were. Although they spoke quietly, their conversation was strangely amplified by the silence of the mansion; Mei knelt on the foyer steps, stretching herself cautiously towards the top, like a sniper prone on a hillside. She held her breath.

'You're friends, aren't you? She was really upset.'

'She threw a slipper at you. And she hit you. As far as I'm concerned, she and I are no longer friends.'

'She said "prove it".'

'What?'

'Out of all the people who play our game, she's the only one who–'

**BRING BRING!**

Mei gasped.

**BRING BRING!**

_My cell-phone!_

'Aren't you going to answer that?' The twins were peering at Mei from the foyer entrance; their identical faces were blank, carefully blank. 'Well?' they said.

Mei fumbled for her cell-phone. 'Hi, Haruhi! What's up? No, no, I'm not having lunch. Hikaru and Kaoru invited me to stay at the mansion – isn't that right, boys?' said Mei, making threatening gestures with her umbrella.

The twins exchanged glances. 'Yes!' they agreed, loud enough for Haruhi to hear.

'I know! Aren't they just? Anyway, thanks for calling. Sorry I couldn't join you. Bye-bye!'

Mei and the twins stared at each other.

'So,' said Mei, 'what's for lunch?'

_Mackerel tartar with pea-shoot salad. _

_Grilled bone-marrow with sliced truffle and sautéed potatoes. _

_Summer fruits compote with shortbread and caramel twill. _

_Mediterranean cheese and bread board. _

_Chilled rose wine. _

_Medium strength Earl Grey. _

_French Alps spring water._

Mei raised her eyes from the menu. 'C-can't we just order hamburgers?' she said, weakly. 'No offence, but this menu is a bit…'

'Rich?' said Hikaru.

'Nutritious?' said Kaoru.

'Yeah,' said Mei, handing back the menu.

Hikaru shrugged. 'Well okay, it's hamburgers then. The chef might think we're weird, but I'm sure he can make us some. Kaoru, I'll have whatever you're having. Hokkaido special, right?'

'I'm not really hungry.'

The younger twin was standing to one side, preoccupied with an oil painting hanging in the foyer.

'Is something wrong?' asked Hikaru, approaching his brother. He placed a hand against Kaoru's forehead. 'You seem a little warm. Are you feeling dizzy?'

'It's this jetlag. I'm just really tired.'

'Maybe I should go,' said Mei, feeling guilty all of a sudden. Something had niggled at her since that conversation with Kaoru. What was it? Why did she feel bad for telling Kaoru the truth? She looked at Kaoru again, saw the dark shadows under his eyes, and compared them with Hikaru's face. Completely different. 'I'm sorry,' she said, bowing to the twins.

'Wait.' Hikaru was gripping Mei's arm. 'Will you take Kaoru to the lounge? I need to find some medicine.'

'_Me?_ Why don't you call one of your servants and get them to do it?'

'_Because this is different!'_ Hikaru paused, realising he had shouted at her. 'Please, Mei,' he said in a calmer tone. 'If I have to make it up to you for being such a jackass, then I will, but only if you take Kaoru to the lounge.'

'Okay, okay,' Mei muttered, 'but you better tell me which lounge. You do have _more_ than one.'

'Just the same one as before.'

'Before? Which before?'

But Hikaru was gone.

Exasperated, Mei turned to the other twin, hoping he would know which lounge Hikaru was talking about. 'Hey, wait for me!' She caught up with Kaoru in the hallway and walked beside him.

Their footsteps echoed on the marble floor.

'I didn't mean to laugh at you,' said Kaoru as they entered a lounge to the left, which had more plants than furniture.

Mei settled into the divan adjacent to Kaoru's and waited. She could sense that he had something on his mind.

'I haven't seen my twin for two weeks,' said Kaoru, 'and when he was telling me about all the fun things you and him had been up to, it was really too much. I was just so happy to hear that you were there for him in my place. For some reason, I imagined that he would simply mope around like he normally does when something doesn't go his way, but he was having a whale of a time with you, and I want to thank you for that.'

'Oh, well, it wasn't a big deal,' said Mei, embarrassed at the sincerity in Kaoru's voice. He was looking at her now, eyes smiling with a hint of sadness. 'What I said in the foyer,' she continued, focused on the hands fidgeting in her lap. 'I have such a temper. I was really making an effort with Hikaru, because he was lonely, you know, and actually a nice guy when you get past that ego. But then he laughed at me. And that hurt. And he didn't say sorry.'

Kaoru puffed a cushion on the divan. 'He'll say sorry,' said Kaoru, positioning his head sideways on the cushion to minimise any damage to his hairstyle. 'Just pretend that nothing happened. He'll figure things out. When he thinks the coast is clear, he'll come up to you of his own accord.'

'You _are_ different from Hikaru, aren't you,' Mei murmured.

Kaoru gave her a wry smile. 'I guess so.'

'Um, are you okay?'

The twin frowned, surprised at Mei's question. Then he reached up to touch his face. 'Oh,' he said, laughing a little. 'The air in here must be really dry. I should probably get housekeeping to – to –'

Mei went to Kaoru's divan and sat next to him. Wordlessly, she stroked the guy's cinnamon hair, gazing at the plant life blossoming around them. _It must be a twin thing_, she thought, feeling the silky hair ripple through her fingers. _I wonder what it's like to have a twin. I'd have someone to talk to, someone to share secrets with. I'd always have someone on my side. When you're an only child, there's none of that. None. You have to be alone. So why is Kaoru crying?_

_Is being a twin really that bad?_


	5. Kaoru: Ten Phone Numbers

**CHAPTER V**

The screen lit up, featuring just ten numbers on Kaoru's cell-phone. Everyone at the Host Club was listed, including his parents and the mansion switchboard, and also Kazukiyo, the Class President, who had exchanged numbers with Kaoru during Halloween. Whilst Kaoru never had cause to actually use his cell-phone, it comforted him to know that there were people he could reach if he wanted to, that the world he used to see as only populated with idiots was now filled with exceptions.

Nevertheless, Kaoru hovered over Hunny's number on the menu-bar, moving to Tamaki's, back to Hunny's, up to Haruhi's, down to Kyouya's, as he paced around the bedroom in quick successive circles, unable to decide who he should contact. Normally, this dilemma would not be happening: Kaoru would simply confide in Hikaru and his worries would be over, but this was something Kaoru could not discuss with his own brother and he was discovering for the first time what it was like to rely on other people.

'Scary… this is scary…' Kaoru muttered to himself as he paced, running through the menu-bar, still unable to choose. He hovered over Hunny's number again, naturally seeing his senior as the next best person to speak with. Since Hunny had advised Kaoru in the past, he seemed to replace Hikaru and anyone else Kaoru would have confided in, because Hunny guarded secrets as preciously as Usa-chan, and did not inspire jealousy in those who had not shared Kaoru's feelings. Yet this matter was something not even Hunny should know about. If Hunny was troubled enough by what he heard, he would eventually share his concerns with Mori and every member of the Host Club, and Kaoru could not bear to see the expression on Hikaru's face if that ever happened.

_After all, twins shared everything, right?_

'Right,' said Kaoru, and pressed the "call" button. He was just going to go for it. Whoever answered would have to listen. They would have to listen and give him advice. Being an outsider, they would know the best thing to do and it would make Kaoru's life so much easier. He would then have the courage to go downstairs and join Hikaru. He would smile, and Hikaru would smile, and everything would be–

Kaoru hung up.

The cell-phone rang.

Kaoru answered.

'If you're trying to confess,' said Kyouya, 'I have some bad news for you.'

Kaoru crouched on the floor, defeated. 'Hi, Kyouya…'

'What's the matter?'

'I just… wanted someone to talk to.'

'It's an honour that you called me. Apologies if I seem surprised.'

'Sorry,' said Kaoru, suddenly pained. Words had abandoned him. He had focussed so hard on making the call that everything he should have said was nowhere to be found – what was he going to say? It was really important, but less important in comparison to what Kyouya was probably doing; he was probably in one of his cars on his way to a conference with his father or something. Imagining this made Kaoru think that everyone else must be busy too.. too busy, perhaps, to listen to some trivial issue affecting Kaoru Hitachiin.

'Kaoru, are you still there?' said Kyouya.

'Sorry to be a bother.'

'You're not a bother.'

'Please, don't mention this to Hikaru.'

Kyouya paused. 'Of course,' he said.

Kaoru pressed "end call" and stared at the floor. He blinked a few times to get rid of the tears. Now he remembered what to say. He wanted to say how difficult it was to finally be himself. He no longer wished to have his own room or wake up every morning alone. He missed the certainty behind everything he did, detesting the weight of decisions more and more as the days went by. He liked it even less how Hikaru had grown distant, waking up and heading for the breakfast room without waiting or pretending to wait. And entering the same room… Kaoru hated that look of surprise on Hikaru's face.

He just hated it.

Since that incident with their former maid, Kaoru had always managed to contain his emotions, showing how he truly felt to Hikaru and Hikaru only. In recent days, however, the slightest things seemed to set him off, from an unfolded towel in the bathroom to the absence of sugar in his afternoon tea. He had even cried in front of Mei, a girl he barely knew. So embarrassing, so out of character… how could he face her now? And why had he chosen her, of all people, to witness that one moment of weakness? If anything, he thought Haruhi at least would have seen those tears, not some obscure public school girl who wore the wrong shade of make-up!

'Sort it out,' Kaoru said to himself, rising and stretching his legs. He would have to weather this storm on his own, figure things out on his own. Hikaru was clearly achieving this independent of Kaoru, so maybe this was how things had to be.

Raking a hand through his hair, Kaoru stopped. This gesture reminded him of Mei and how she had comforted him in the lounge. His feelings changed from weird to apprehensive. Why had Mei done that? She had seen Tamaki cry several times from joy or excitement, and no matter how much Mei envisaged him as her knight in shining armour, she had never once gone to Tamaki with a comforting pat on the head.

_But with me…_

Kaoru's eyes lifted from the floor and he walked out of the bedroom, thoughtful. He had to handle this situation delicately. Girls had swift imaginations and Mei could have left the mansion that day thinking all kinds of things about what had happened. Then again, it was possible that the whole experience had meant nothing to her. Perhaps she did this sort of thing all the time. It would be silly for him to place so much value on the gesture when no empathic human being would have ignored such a moment.

Kaoru glanced momentarily at the closed door to Hikaru's bedroom, recollecting the still look on his twin's face after seeing Mei on the divan, hand on Kaoru's hair. In hindsight, that expression was haunting, as if Hikaru's soul had been cast in stone or banished to some remote location – an exaggeration of Kaoru's, no doubt, but it was enough to make Kaoru realise that he did not know his twin anymore, that he had no idea what Hikaru was thinking.

As Kaoru descended the grand staircase, he noticed the butler opening the front door and bowing to a new visitor. The visitor's features were obscured by the brightness outside, though its silhouette revealed the visitor to be female. Slim and shapely, the silhouette moved from the brightness to the dimmer light of the foyer, removing her sunglasses with a practical air and promptly slipping her feet from a pair of trainers to the pastel yellow slippers normally worn by Mei.

Kaoru blinked. It _was_ Mei, but she was different somehow. Even from this distance, he could see there was make-up on her face again, the tanned skin shimmering with subtle glitter, the lips and eyes painted a mild white. Sometimes, girls wearing this style could make themselves appear ridiculous, emphasising their dark complexion with harsh eye shadow and lipstick, yet Mei had discovered the perfect balance.

Mei was beautiful.

Then the girl glanced up, dislodging the awe on Kaoru's face. He feigned disinterest and reached the bottom step, about to head off in the opposite direction, but the girl was already in front of him, hand on his arm. She studied him intently.

'Well,' said Mei, 'what are we doing today?'

'Today?' said Kaoru, not sure what day it was.

'Yes,' said Mei, impatiently. 'You said you'd make things up to me if I turned up today, so here I am.'

Kaoru inwardly collapsed. _She thinks I'm Hikaru!_

'Listen, Mei…'

'Don't tell me you forgot!'

'No, it's just–'

'Kaoru's okay now, isn't he? So what are you worried about?'

Kaoru inwardly crawled to his grave. _Trust Hikaru to sleep in at a time like this!_ What was he going to do with her? 'Fine,' Kaoru muttered, thinking on his feet. 'Let's go to that shopping mall you like.'

Mei twinkled with the magnitude of every star in the universe. _'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! _You _mean_ it!'

'Sure,' said Kaoru, dialling the mansion switchboard for a vehicle. He had no clue which shopping mall could inspire anticipation on such a frightening level, but he understood this much: it was going to be a _long_ day.


	6. Kaoru: Eleven Phone Numbers

**CHAPTER VI**

'This is going to be so _amazing!'_ cried Mei, hopping into her trainers and pirouetting in the foyer. 'I can't believe you're actually going to take me there! And to think that all those days I spent dropping hints has finally paid off… woohoo! _Yay!_ I am _so_ up for this!'

Kaoru smiled. When it came to any hint of a shopping trip, Hikaru would do anything he could to avoid them, and Kaoru was certain now that his brother had slept in on purpose; his suspicions further emphasised by a Hikaru-shaped figure hiding behind the banister. Eyes narrowed, Kaoru gave the grand staircase a glare of foreboding before following Mei outside. Somebody was going to be in trouble once this shopping trip was over. Somebody. But Kaoru was not going to say who.

'By the way,' said Kaoru, 'why are you wearing your school uniform?'

Mei stopped. 'What's it to you?'

'Er…'

'I failed an exam, alright! I was busy making a dress.'

'Whatever you say…' said Kaoru, eyes on the blue sky above.

The limousine pulled up in front of them, distracting Mei, whose astonished face was reflected perfectly in its tinted windows. _'No way…'_ she breathed, turning to Kaoru with a look of pure worship. 'We're going in a _limo?'_

Smiling, Kaoru held the door open for Mei; she peered in, impressed. 'Get in,' said Kaoru, trying not to laugh.

Mei flushed and hastily pressed the hem of her skirt close around her thighs as she climbed into the vehicle. 'Better not be looking!' she warned.

'Too young,' said Kaoru, shutting the door before Mei could answer. He walked to the other side and entered without the chauffeur's assistance. At the sight of Mei still guarding her skirt, Kaoru almost laughed again.

_She wears skirts like that all the time, and the moment she gets into a limo, suddenly gets paranoid? What a weird girl! _

'What?' said Mei, suspicious.

Kaoru merely smiled and instructed the chauffeur to drive them to… wherever Mei wanted to go exploring first. He leaned back, placing his arm where he normally placed it on the armrest, only to find that somebody's arm was already there. Something in him froze. 'S-sorry!' Kaoru stammered, hugging his arm protectively, as if Mei had threatened to eat it.

Mei looked at him slyly. 'Feels like a date at the cinema, doesn't it, Hikaru?'

'Ha ha…'

They rode in silence for some time, both of them staring in different directions. It was always busy in the city of Tokyo, and it would probably take them an hour to even reach the boutiques that Mei had specified, but the chauffeur was used to the area and bullied his way through the traffic as politely as a London cabbie driver, giving the teenagers in the back less time to pretend that they were not on some date.

'It was a joke,' said Mei, the instant they left the limo. 'We're not on a date. This is an outing of a platonic nature, got it?'

Kaoru shrugged. 'Whatever you say, the sky is blue…'

'What does that even _mean?'_

Kaoru's eyes wandered upwards.

'Whatever! Let's go over there.'

Without thinking, Kaoru grabbed Mei's hand as she walked off.

_Awkwardness struck like a lightning bolt. _

'D-don't walk off,' snapped Kaoru, annoyed and astounded with himself. This was not how the trip was meant to be. It was his job to escort her, not act like some kid afraid of being lost! 'If I lose you, Haruhi will never forgive me. So stay close, or at least give me your phone number.'

_Another bolt of awkwardness._

'I – I mean – that is – if – if you want to.'

Mei looked from the hand clutching hers to the expression on Kaoru's face.

'Please be gentle,' she whispered.

_The spirit of Kaoru escaped._

Mei laughed hysterically. 'You're such a loser! Here, give me your number.'

'You don't have it?'

'No, stupid, which is why I'm asking!'

Kaoru showed Mei his cell-phone. 'It's in there somewhere.'

'So romantic, this,' Mei muttered. 'There, I've sent you a text. Can we go now?'

'Sure.' Kaoru glanced down at Mei's outstretched hand. 'What?'

'If I lose you, Kaoru will never forgive me. So stay close.'

Mei tugged Kaoru into the crowd, merging with people who were viewing the windows of the many boutiques lining the street. No matter how thick or difficult the crowd, the two still held hands, treating each other as lanterns in the dark, finding their way through the masses from one boutique to another. They must have looked at twenty-plus by midday, and surprisingly, Kaoru's free hand was still empty; devoid of the million purchases he had originally anticipated.

'Aren't you going to buy something?' he asked as Mei compared two textile samples. They were now in a flea market near the boutiques, browsing rolls of raw fabric stacked vertically and horizontally across the counters at one of the stalls. The merchant was watching them, hopeful.

Mei said nothing, still comparing the two samples. 'I'm mentally compiling a list of what I want to get next time.'

'What do you mean? Are we coming here again?'

Mei replaced the two samples on the counter, her fingers lingering on one sample longer than the other. 'Want to get lunch?'

They read the signs hanging above the flea market. Even though it was summer and not likely to grow dark for a few hours, a number of signs were already glowing, advertising the local sushi and ramen stands, as well as karaoke and amusement arcades.

'What's that?' Kaoru pointed at a wide banner featuring the katakana for "ramen".

'Oh,' said Mei, 'just one of those noodle bars that do meat and tempura.'

'Can we go there?'

'Are you serious?'

'I've never been to one before.'

Mei sighed. 'Alright, let's go.'

'What do we do now?' asked Kaoru, fascinated by the long and narrow counter separating the chef from his customers. Past the counter, he could just about see everything that was going on, from the noodles being cooked to the tempura being fried. He stared at the row of wooden bowls lined precisely near the chopping section, filled with stock and waiting for the noodles and tempura to be added. Was this how the chefs at home cooked ramen? He never knew such a fascinating process!

'Just order already or I'll order for you!'

Kaoru chose prawn tempura with his ramen and copied what the other customers were doing at the ramen stand, which was to continue standing without searching for chairs and tables, only resting their steaming bowls on the narrow counter or holding them firmly in a heat-proof hand. Kaoru rested his bowl on the counter for a moment so he could locate his cell-phone.

'What are you doing?' asked Mei over the rim of her ramen bowl.

'Taking a picture,' said Kaoru, 'so that Hikaru can–'

_Ah._

Slowly, Kaoru formed his most charming smile.

'Busted,' said Mei.

Kaoru hung his head. 'Sorry, I should have told you.'

Mei fished around her bowl for the last bits of tempura. 'I sort of knew already.'

'Really…' said Kaoru, not quite believing her.

'Yeah,' said Mei. 'For a start, you don't say the same things that Hikaru does. And your humour is different.'

'Ten percent less evil?'

'Haruhi mentioned that, but that wasn't the reason.' Mei placed her bowl on the counter; it glistened beneath the naked bulbs illuminating the stand. There was a slight smile on her face, one that Kaoru was not familiar with. 'Your eyes,' she said, raising a hand to Kaoru's face, fingertips touching the skin of his cheek…

…and smudging his lower eyelid.

'_Vain!'_ declared Mei, showing Kaoru a concealer-stained fingertip.

Kaoru covered his left eye, horrified. _'Lies!'_

'You had shadows darker than a panda's and you _know_ it!'

'So? And why did you have to smudge it? I have to reapply it now!'

'Panda boy, panda boy!'

'If you don't stop, I'm gonna make this look as if you punched me!'

'Aw, what a sweet couple,' the chef remarked fondly.

'Yes, so sweet,' agreed surrounding customers, revealing Mei and Kaoru as the youngest ones at the ramen stand.

They bowed politely, making a quick exit.

'You dummy, that was ramen for _old people!'_ said Mei, breathless with laughter.

Kaoru was laughing too. 'Well, you chose it!'

Then their eyes met.

'Not a date,' said Mei, sternly wagging a finger.

Kaoru winked. 'Got the eye to prove it.'

'Cover it up! I have issues enough without looking like a thug!'

Kaoru laughed. 'Come on, let's take you home.'

'Uh-uh!' Mei held Kaoru's hand, halting him mid-stride. 'Your brother promised the _whole_ day.'

'Oh god…' groaned Kaoru, but he followed her with a smile.


	7. Mei: In the Candlelight

**CHAPTER VII**

As they walked side by side through the heaving flea market, Mei side-glanced Kaoru and wondered if his smile was truly genuine. He seemed cheerful enough, studying a shelf of miniatures with a magnifying glass at one of the many stalls flogging hand-crafted ornaments, but there were times when he would noticeably retreat, sinking into himself and becoming so engrossed that she had to reiterate questions or squeeze his hand.

_Whatever_, thought Mei, leading Kaoru to the next stall once the miniatures had lost their novelty. _It wasn't like I forced him to take me here. I would have been happy enough kicking Hikaru out of bed and giving him a piece of my mind!_ Mei looked down, calmly observing Kaoru's hand gripping hers. _What's with that, anyway? Does he think I'm going to run away or something?_ She remembered how Kaoru had grabbed her by the hand and come up with some excuse about losing her. Presumably, he had done this to be cool and in control, yet why had Kaoru seemed… scared?

_Nothing like his brother, that's for sure._

It had been a challenge for Mei, telling Hikaru and Kaoru apart. They were the most identical twins she had ever met. Not even their personal interests and food preferences gave them away; they seemed to like the same things and hate the same things. _They even talk in unison,_ Mei recalled. _They do that weird twin thing where they finish each other's sentences like some old married couple, but when they're by themselves, it's like seeing that grey is black and white. They become separate. They have these separate personalities. _

Mei watched Kaoru from the corner of her eye: he was predictably in his own world, brushing at strands of cinnamon hair, oblivious to Mei's scrutiny. The concealer he used was so fine and expertly applied that no one but Mei could tell he had trouble sleeping. _What did Kaoru have to think about?_ He was rich, quite clever, good-looking – hardly anything in the way of a bright and successful future – yet he strode beside her quietly, weighed down somehow and worrying like a normal person.

_Rich people, I'll never get them._

They passed a shop window, their reflections crystal sharp in the polished glass.

Mei stopped, returning to the image without warning. Ignoring Kaoru's puzzlement, she scrutinised the tanned, blonde-haired girl standing next to him, dressed in school uniform, her hand holding his. _So this is what we look like to everyone else. _ Mei peered long and she peered hard. Gradually, a volcano erupted somewhere on her face.

_No way,_ she thought. _We make a good–_

'It's only a thousand yen,' said Kaoru, referring to the merchandise displayed in the window, assuming that the prices had bothered her.

Mei turned to him with complete apathy. _Or maybe not. _'Want to go home?'

Kaoru paused. 'Is this a trick question?'

'No…'

With startling speed, Kaoru flicked out his cell-phone and summoned the chauffeur, confirming the exact coordinates of his and Mei's present location.

'Hey! At least disguise your desperation!'

'Will you be staying for dinner?' asked Kaoru, hand on phone.

'I promised Haruhi I'd eat at the apartment.'

'Oh,' said Kaoru, ending the call. 'Can I join you?'

'I guess so, but we're only having sushi from the convenience store, if that's alright.'

Kaoru smiled. 'That's fine with me.'

By the time they reached Haruhi's apartment, it was almost dark and the first streetlamps were blinking. Hardly anyone was on the street, and those who were seemed more concerned with getting home, not gawping at a limo.

Mei slumped in her seat with gratitude. _What a relief!_ That was the last thing she needed right now. After spending the day browsing boutiques and local flea markets, Mei was tired and wanted to rest.

'Is it meant to be this dark?' said Kaoru, opening the door and helping her out of the limo.

'What do you mean?' said Mei. She followed Kaoru's stare, which was studying the apartment block where Haruhi lived. At first, she assumed that Kaoru was comparing rich people and commoner standards again, a game he and his friends intermittently practised whenever differences reared their confusing heads, but there was something odd about the glimmers of light and wild shadows crossing the apartment windows. 'I think it's a power cut,' Mei concluded.

'Power… cut…?' echoed Kaoru. 'Did someone forget to pay?'

'I give up,' sighed Mei. 'Let's find Haruhi.'

They made their way cautiously towards the apartment, Kaoru relying on Mei's knowledge of the grounds to navigate through the increasing darkness. Fortunately, Haruhi's apartment was on the first floor and the occupants had considerately placed jars containing tea lights along the metallic gangway. Their footsteps rattled the flames, snuffing some of them out.

'Great,' muttered Mei, taking one of the jars still burning strongly. 'We're almost there.' As they resumed walking, Mei shone the jar in Kaoru's direction. 'Come on, out with it.'

'Out with what?'

'With whatever's bugging you.'

Kaoru smiled, turning his head to the darkening sky. To Mei's surprise, the candlelight had made him more handsome, drawing her gaze to every visible contour. In turning his head, she could see the skin of his throat, smooth and flawless, exposed to the night and its warm, gentle air. The candle flickered and his amber eyes danced with the flames, seemingly amused, much more alive.

He asked her, 'If Hikaru was here right now, would you be able to tell the difference? Would it matter to you that it's me and not Hikaru you're holding hands with?'

Mei blushed; his face, so perfect in the candlelight, made it difficult to answer. 'Wh-why do you want to know?'

Again, Kaoru smiled. 'Because I'm trying to be liked,' he said, softly. 'I'm trying to be myself. The way you treat my brother and the way you treat me is completely different. Why is that? Is that because I've failed?'

Mei opened her mouth, about to respond, yet something got in the way, taking her feet from under her. She was falling fast – falling sideways – clutching at thin air then hitting the floor, the sound of a jar shattering in the darkness. She lay on her back, winded, feeling the pain creeping in. The candle was dead, snuffed by the impact. She started to rise, brushing off fragments of glass which had stuck to her school uniform, only to notice Kaoru leaning stiffly over her.

'Kaoru?' said Mei. In his hand was her hand, the one holding him at the time of her fall and responsible for dragging him down on top of her. She could see that he had tried to soften the blow, his left elbow bleeding where it had scrapped against the gangway.

Immediately, Mei was upright, searching her school bag. Amongst her make-up and textbooks, she found a packet of tissues and pressed the whole lot over Kaoru's wound.

'Ow!' cried Kaoru; then showed Mei his other arm. 'This requires more attention, I think.'

Mei nearly fainted. 'As soon as we get inside, we have to call you an ambulance!'

A door swung open beside them, revealing a perturbed-looking Haruhi and Hikaru.

'Kaoru, that's no way to treat a lady,' said Hikaru, aware of the pair's relative positions.

_Silence descended._

'Lady?' said Kaoru. 'Who's the lady?'

'Get off me already!' cried Mei, struggling.

'Honestly,' said Haruhi, 'what have you two been up to?'

Kaoru showed his arm. 'Can I have a bandage?'

'Woah! That's slightly concerning. We need the First Aid kit. Mei, could you get me some towels?'

'Sure,' said Mei, finally standing. She watched as Hikaru knelt in front of his twin, asking him how the incident had happened as he used Mei's tissues to staunch the blood. Kaoru endured Hikaru's ministrations, hissing when his brother pressed too hard. Kaoru did not look at her. He seemed distant from her, as if there was only him and Hikaru now, as if Mei was invisible and had ceased to exist.

Hurt, Mei followed Haruhi into the apartment to fetch the towels. As she selected some towels from the wardrobe, the others converged in the living room, clearing the table and sifting through the contents of Haruhi's First Aid kit.

'They're just scratches,' she heard Kaoru insisting through the paper partition.

'It's better to be safe than sorry,' Hikaru replied. 'Now let me finish tying this!'

'Seriously,' protested Kaoru, 'I prefer to be sorry!'

And Mei could see why as she stepped into the living room.

'Are you cutting his arm off?' she inquired, eyeing the tourniquet made from part of the tablecloth and the way Hikaru was holding his brother down.

'Nope,' said Haruhi, brandishing a pair of tweezers. 'Now hold still, Kaoru.'

'Wait! Don't I get a painkiller first?'

'This isn't a hospital, I'm afraid.'

Mei placed the towels on the table. 'You'll be okay,' she said, smiling at Kaoru.

Kaoru smiled back, then winced as Haruhi extracted the first of many glass fragments and dropped it into a bowl next to Hikaru, who was visibly tense. He was staring at Mei throughout the process, making her feel incredibly uncomfortable. Soon, she excused herself from the table, adamant that the glass still on the gangway needed to be swept. She took a dustpan and brush from the closet and slipped on her shoes.

_This isn't my fault,_ thought Mei. _That fall was an accident._

She crouched on the floor, guiding the glass into her dustpan as quietly as she could. Most of the glass had dropped through the gaps, lost to the undergrowth flourishing beneath, likely to remain undiscovered for months. With them fell some of Mei's tears, dropping soundlessly as she hoped that Kaoru would forgive her.


	8. Mei: Knock Knock

**CHAPTER VIII**

According to Mei's schedule, sewing began at 7am, but her heart, for a change, was just not in it. Cross-legged at the table, she stared at the motionless needle poised above the fabric which would eventually transform into her summer yukata. She had designed the yukata in between lessons at school, sketching prototypes in the back of her exercise book as she imagined how great she would look at the summer festival. Nobody would have a yukata like hers. It had taken several drafts to try and make it perfect. Whilst the tailoring had remained the same, the pattern had not, moving from the simplicity of a hand-stitched feature around the hem to a full-blown pattern like those Mei had seen in Yuzuha's collection.

She raised a hand and touched the fabric, white linen with a pale blue grid. The idea was to sew something bright over it. At the Hitachiin mansion, she had come across a portrait in one of the hallways depicting a typical English garden, and behind the flowerbeds of this garden were pillars of wooden lattices generously framed in ivy. Mei had chosen her fabric based on this concept, thinking it would lend her a sense of maturity, except the fabric no longer seemed interesting.

'I knew I should have bought it,' Mei groaned, remembering the deep yet refreshing magenta she had found at the flea market. The fabric was plain, with no gradient in its colour, and light enough to dance on the skin. When Kaoru had asked Mei if she wanted to buy it, the words alone nearly caused her to weep; even a flea market in Tokyo was expensive, and Mei had been too proud and embarrassed to ask Kaoru for money.

As Mei removed her hand from the fabric, her cell-phone beeped. Puzzled, she read the text which had just arrived. '"Knock-knock"?' said Mei, not sure of its meaning or where it had come from. 'Honestly. Too early for this.'

She closed the cell-phone and went to the fridge, wondering what to have for breakfast. The power cut had ruined some of the chilled and frozen goods, restricting her choice to the more Western option of toast, a recent addition to the Fujioka household under Tamaki's influence. As Mei debated, weighing up the possibility of cooking her own rice and miso without waking Haruhi or Ranka, her cell-phone beeped again, flashing with the same message.

'I'll "knock-knock" you in a minute,' Mei muttered, trudging barefoot to the door. Closing an eye, Mei peered through the peephole and saw nothing but darkness. 'Wise guy, huh,' she said; it was obvious that the peephole had been covered with a finger. 'Who – is – this?' she texted back, and waited a few seconds before opening the door.

Hikaru stood cringing on the doorstep, suppressing what appeared to be a hard crack to the face – clearly a sign of someone unaccustomed to outward-opening doors.

'Good morning,' said Mei.

Hikaru raised a hand in greeting; it held an open cell-phone.

'Why did you hide your number? Is this part of the "Which is Hikaru, which is Kaoru" game?'

'No, forgot to change the settings.'

'Mind telling me what you're doing here? Last time I checked, we weren't exactly the best of friends.'

Hikaru studied Mei for a moment, then said, 'Hmm.' From his pocket came a folded piece of paper, sealed with red wax and imprinted with the kanji of Hikaru's name.

Mei broke the seal as neatly as she could and read the contents. Her eyes wandered from the letter to the self-conscious expression on Hikaru's face. He bowed a little, not looking at her. 'Apology accepted,' she said. 'But where is it?'

'Down there.' Hikaru pointed at a courier van parked in front of the apartment building, where two delivery men were steadying a roll of raw fabric as they patiently waited for further instructions. 'It's a little big,' said Hikaru.

'A little bit,' said Mei.

'Uh, what are you doing?'

Mei looked up and sprang as far away from Hikaru as the cramped hallway would allow. She had just hugged him without knowing it! 'Sorry!' she gasped, face heating up like a sauna. 'I guess I got carried away there.'

'Yeah,' said Hikaru, amused. 'So, does this make us even?'

'Definitely!' grinned Mei, her enthusiasm for sewing back on track. 'How did you know I wanted this fabric? Did Kaoru tell you?'

Hikaru's smile dissolved. 'Listen,' he said, 'do you like him?'

Mei let out a laugh and wondered why she sounded so nervous. 'What do you mean? Of course I like him! We had a great time yesterday.' The stony glint in Hikaru's gaze was disturbing. _He's appraising me again, but what for… Is this about the accident?_ 'Hikaru–'

'Don't mess him around. Do you understand?'

Instinctively, Mei's temper flared. _Who was he to speak to her in this way?_

'I'm trying my best to give Kaoru some space and let him grow as an individual, which means I can't always be there to look out for him and protect him. When I heard he was out with you in the city, I thought it'd be okay, because I wanted to trust you, but instead–' Hikaru stopped, his mouth set in a grim line. 'I'm not looking to be the bad guy here,' he continued, 'I just care about Kaoru. But if you care about him as well, then you have to try harder.'

'Try harder,' whispered Mei, incredulous. _'Me?_ Ever since we started hanging out, I've done nothing but _try_ hard! Do you even know how difficult it is to be with _you?'_

'Now hang on a second–' Mei pressed a finger to her lips; Hikaru lowered his voice. 'This isn't about me,' he whispered furiously, 'this is about Kaoru. However, if you want the discussion to go that way, then fine! I'm difficult to get on with! I don't have the patience and I hurt people's feelings sometimes! What else do you want me to say?'

They stood glaring at each other: Mei in the hallway, Hikaru on the doorstep.

'All this whispering is making me thirsty,' sighed Mei. 'Want a drink?'

Hikaru merely nodded, respectfully removing his shoes and slipping on the guest slippers. After retrieving two glasses and a bottle of chilled green tea, Mei joined Hikaru in the living room, where he was already seated at the table, cooling himself with one of the plastic fans scattered on the floor. He seemed to have calmed down, eyes resting on random objects in his current surroundings – and Mei could hear his rich boy thoughts as easily as if he had said them.

'Yeah, yeah, so this place is a dump compared to your big old mansion,' said Mei, pushing a glass in Hikaru's direction and pouring him some tea.

'You said it, not me,' replied Hikaru.

'Where were we, anyway? Was it my turn or yours?'

'Who cares; that conversation is boring now.'

They exchanged smirks and sipped their teas. For some reason, their arguments always ended like this. They would get wound up about something, fling a few shots, then simmer down and act as if nothing had happened. It was so different to how Mei spent her time in Kaoru's company. Admittedly, she was just as terse with Kaoru, even though he was more polite, but there was something preventing her from being honest with him in the way that she was honest with Hikaru.

_I probably don't know him that well, that's probably what it is…_

'Well, I have to be going now,' said Hikaru, interrupting Mei's thoughts. 'Can't make you late for another date with Kaoru now, can I?'

Mei almost choked on her tea. _'Date?'_

The light around Hikaru dimmed and his eyes glowed devilishly above a wide and mischievous smile. 'So you do like my brother, don't you?'

'Awesome talking to you, it really was,' laughed Mei, carting Hikaru out of the apartment.

Then Mei was alone with a roll of magenta fabric. She stared at the object, all thoughts of making a yukata absent. Silent, she raised her cell-phone and placed it against her ear, waiting for the ringtone to turn into a voice. How she felt about what Hikaru had said was unclear. Of course she liked Kaoru; to suggest otherwise would be nonsense! Yet the manner in which she liked him now drew her attention, made her look closer at what Hikaru was seeing.

She could tell that Hikaru found it difficult to trust. He had tried to trust her with the welfare of his twin on the day she and Kaoru had ventured into the city. For a majority of the day, he must have felt that his trust had been well-placed, as Kaoru had texted Hikaru with regular updates, one of them being a picture of ramen. Then to see Kaoru later, bleeding and punctured with glass…

Mei could understand why Hikaru had been angry. And she could understand how brave he must have been to try and trust her. How hard it must have been to let Kaoru go with her…

_So this is brotherly love_, she thought, wiping at her sudden emotion and hastily ending the call. It made Mei wish that she had a brother or a sister. _It would make this whole divorce thing so much easier._

Mei was still on bad terms with her father, not yet ready to relinquish her feelings of bitterness and resentment. She had spoken with Haruhi and Ranka about him, about the way things were, about the divorce, and it was just too early for her to let those feelings go and accept her father for who he was. His struggles came from a different time, from a different place, when duty came first and personal sacrifices had to be made. Mei did not expect things to remain this way between them forever, but this was how she felt right now, and for now, this was how things had to be.

Mei sent a text to Kaoru, asking him to meet her, and kept checking her cell-phone in the minutes that followed, anxiously searching the inbox and re-reading her text to Kaoru over and over. Before the fall, Kaoru had asked Mei a question and Mei had to give Kaoru the answer.


	9. Kaoru: Confession

**CHAPTER IX**

The department store chosen by Mei was a classic example of a commoner department store. It had five levels of clothing and music retailers, international fast-food chains, and novelty photo booths in addition to an upper-level entertainment complex with cinema, bowling alley, and video arcade – enough to entertain the most average of teenagers. However, Kaoru Hitachiin was far from average and the people around him were somehow aware of this. As he waited outside the only bookstore in the building, re-reading old texts on his cell-phone and scanning the crowds for the arrival of Mei, something about him would intrigue passing strangers and make them look at Kaoru for longer than necessary. Was it his hair, his outfit? Maybe they could tell he had a twin? Whatever the reason, their interest was affecting him, causing the cell-phone to shake in his hand.

In truth, Kaoru was dreading Mei's arrival. After falling on the gangway, whatever spell was cast had somehow been broken and they were once again behaving like first-time acquaintances. As a result, Kaoru felt that being with her today in the same manner as yesterday could not be possible; there was something now preventing him from feeling that comfortable. He thought back to the moment when Mei had excused herself from the table, intent on sweeping glass which had littered Haruhi's doorstep. How could sweeping glass on the gangway be suddenly so important? Was the girl just squeamish or could she no longer stand to be in Kaoru's company?

_'If Hikaru was here right now, would you be able to tell the difference? Would it matter to you that it's me and not Hikaru you're holding hands with?'_

Kaoru had to know the answer. He just had to. He knew what Mei was like in the company of Hikaru and it made his chest twist with an unfamiliar sentiment.

Troubled, Kaoru touched the gauze concealing his right arm from elbow to wrist, willing the latest strangers to walk past and ignore him. They were an elaborate quartet wearing lolita dresses in variations of black, white, and pink, towering above the crowd on leather wedge-heeled boots and shielding their gothic make-up under black lace umbrellas. Even from this distance, it was obvious that they were watching him, their wide kohl-lined eyes fixed eerily on his face as if Kaoru himself was wearing their outfits. Serving guests at the Host Club should have exposed him to every female attention imaginable, yet custom from the gothic market had not been one of them and Kaoru had no idea how to handle the situation.

So he waved – a nervous twitch of the hand which girls, even gothic ones, would construe as an invite. _Oh god,_ thought Kaoru, quickly subduing his hand. _ Why did I just do that?_ He focused harder on his cell-phone, knowing full well that the goths were gliding over with a dusk-coloured background and a frame of black roses. As a member of the Host Club, handling their presence should have been easy, like a hot knife through butter, yet why did Kaoru sense that touching their hands and faces would only make matters worse? They were standing in front of him now, their dark eyes scary and inescapable.

They made him want to run.

'Excuse me,' said one of the goths, whose words seemed to reach Kaoru's ears long after her black-painted lips had moved.

'Yes?' said Kaoru, the magnitude of his smile no match against the silhouettes of goths.

'Do you have a boyfriend?'

'Ex-excuse me?'

Again, the goth moved her black-painted lips, but someone pulled Kaoru away before the words could even reach him.

'Must you stare at them like that?' snapped the blonde-haired girl who had dragged him into the bookstore. Her tanned skin was dark with fury and her eyebrow twitched sporadically with untold rage. When Kaoru realised who it was, a glimmer of their normal atmosphere nearly made him smile, were it not for the fact that Mei was still furious.

'I wasn't staring,' said Kaoru, bowing in apology and waiting for a smack to the head or something to that effect. Instead, the girl merely studied him, shifting her gaze from his cinnamon hair to the gauze which covered half his right arm. Without asking, she tipped his left arm to one side. Then she brought him upright by the chin and touched his lower eyelid. And yet, having verified all these facts, Mei still regarded Kaoru with a degree of suspicion.

'Believe me,' sighed Kaoru, 'it's me.'

Mei glowered and presented Kaoru with a small paper bag. 'A gift,' she said, not looking at him.

Curious, Kaoru turned the bag in his hands, squeezing its contents. 'What's this for?' he asked.

'Just a "thank you",' said Mei, 'for getting me the fabric.'

'Oh,' said Kaoru, reddening slightly. 'Well Hikaru gave you that, not me.'

'Will you stop being so modest, Kaoru.'

Silence descended. They stood there, not moving. Then one offered their hand as the other stared.

And it was Kaoru who stared, wishing with all his might to somehow accept the outstretched hand as easily as before. He was nervous now, conscious of the moisture building up in his palm, and the strange, giddy way he was feeling as he stood there so close to her.

'Fine!' said Mei, retracting her gesture.

As Mei did so, Kaoru grabbed her hand, holding it firm. Startled, she glanced up and noticed his face. Her face reddened too. They smiled and leaned forward, closing the distance…

'Not a date,' Mei murmured.

'Not a date,' murmured Kaoru.

They entered the café next door, where Kaoru insisted on paying their order in full to make up for the fact that he had not brought a gift.

'Fair enough,' shrugged Mei, and requested cream and a chocolate spoon with the café's chilled version of mocha cappuccino.

When the end-result arrived, Kaoru frowned, unaccustomed to this version of the Italian coffee. 'Is that a drink or a dessert?' he queried, referring to the colossal amount of whipped cream resting on the surface of her perspiring beverage.

'This is a power-up just in case you wear me out today.'

Kaoru laughed and stirred his iced tea.

'_You know what I meant!_ Besides, how's your arm?'

'It's okay. Think I'll survive.'

'I'm really sorry,' Mei mumbled. 'I never got to say that.'

'No harm done. At least you can tell us apart.' Kaoru watched her play with the whipped cream, sculpting the pale substance into a miniature mountain. They were back to normal again, just like that. How had that happened? 'Since hanging out with you, you know what I've realised?' he said, smiling at the ice cubes as they glistened in his tumbler.

'What,' said Mei, suddenly attentive.

'Things aren't as hard as I thought they would be.'

Mei flushed.

'Sorry,' said Kaoru. 'That must have sounded weird.'

'I never answered your question.'

'My question?'

'You know, the one you asked me yesterday, just before the fall.' Mei was blushing now, clearly anxious. She was wrecking the cream on her mocha and biting her lip. For some reason, this made Kaoru nervous again. 'You do remember, don't you?' she said.

'Yes,' said Kaoru. 'If Hikaru was here right now, would you be able to tell the difference – was that the question?'

Mei nodded. She stopped playing with her beverage altogether. 'I – I have a reply. Please, don't laugh at me.' She took a deep breath.

'I think I might like you.'

As her syllables passed into silence, the café and it occupants seemed to slow down, sluggish in their movements and trailing shades in their wake as the bombinating sounds of leisurely conversation struggled to catch up.

In that miniscule instance, the subject of Mei's confession slowly understood what she said. It was a cowardly reaction, feeling this way, but he knew that he had to give his answer some thought and make sure that his emotions were right, as saying the wrong thing – at this exact, precise moment – could potentially break the heart of Mei Yasumura.

'Mei…' said Kaoru, searching for the words.

She suddenly stood up, tears in her eyes. 'Forget it!'

Then she was gone.

Kaoru bowed his head, rubbing his temples. 'What have I done?' he whispered. She left just like that, without giving him a chance. She was probably crying in the toilets somewhere, ruining her make-up, slamming the bathroom door with the force of disappointment.

And that was Kaoru's fault.

Dejected, Kaoru pushed himself away from the table and started to leave. Just as he departed the café, a silhouette approached him and uttered, 'Excuse me.'

_Another goth,_ thought Kaoru. _I'm not in the mood._

'The answer is no.'

'I haven't asked you a question yet.'

The silhouette was a goth – there was no mistaking it – and this time it was a guy in a three-piece Victorian suit, black with pinstripes and coat tails, a pair of white creepers balancing the outfit. Like the female quartet, his lips were painted black and they were set in the mildest curl of distaste, transforming his pallid beauty from the complexion of powdered silk to that of a hazardous weapon. Never before in his life had Kaoru ever seen such a person. The goth's insolence was striking, arresting…

It made him want to run.

'Do I know you?' said Kaoru.

The goth looked Kaoru up, then down. He edged nearer to Kaoru's face, dangerously close. 'Make her cry again,' said the goth. 'I _dare_ you.' Then the goth brushed past him, coat tails fluttering as he disappeared into the crowd.

Kaoru frowned. _Just what the hell was that about?_


	10. Kaoru: The Gift

**CHAPTER X**

For the third time, Mei refused to answer her cell-phone, sending his call directly to voicemail, where a pre-recorded message – not even using her voice – instructed Kaoru to leave what he had to say before hanging up. Frustrated, Kaoru ended the call and slumped in his seat. To his right, a view of the underground car park filled the tinted glass. He gazed at the stationary vehicles and the commoners passing through, conscious of their curious glances. At Kaoru's request, they were having lunch in the limo, and Hikaru had understandingly obliged, respecting his brother's privacy and heading for the nearest fast-food chain at the commoner department store. Kaoru hoped that Hikaru would be safe and that nobody would stop and stare at him. With any luck, the audience from before might have gone home by now, finished with shopping and looking around, so Hikaru would be fine, just fine: unlike Kaoru, he could probably handle the attention well, because he had always been the leader.

Inside the limo, Kaoru felt relaxed, more sheltered, sensing how celebrities must have felt about being watched by the public. Not that Kaoru was in the least bit famous or even classed as a celebrity, but the experience so far of trying to be normal – just so he could spend a little time with Mei – was really much harder than Kaoru had imagined. Taking her around Tokyo's finest boutiques and its local flea markets had not been that bad. There were hundreds of people and hundreds of distractions, leaving the presence of Kaoru largely unnoticed, but today had been different – so different that Kaoru wondered if he was changing, and changing too quickly.

He recalled the conversation with Mei and the startling confession she had offered as they sipped their drinks at the café. Where had that confession come from? Was he meant to have known about it? Running through the moment again, perhaps Mei's uncharacteristic nervousness had signalled what she would eventually say, but how could he have known the difference, if the night before had not brought it up? He could see Mei vividly at the table, braced in her chair as she awaited his answer, not looking at him, never looking at him.

The left door suddenly opened, letting Hikaru in; Kaoru smelt the instant moist scent of chilli.

'You will not believe what I found,' Hikaru declared as he slid onto the leather seat and shut the door behind him.

Eyes dropping to the small plastic bag, Kaoru asked, 'What?'

Hikaru plucked a paper menu from his pocket and gave it to Kaoru, whose inquisitive gaze was drawn to an item circled in red.

'Really?'

'_Yes!'_

In Kaoru's hand was a burger bun made from baked rice and neatly interrupted by a filling of kim-chi and a spread of jalapenos and pickled ginger. It was the strangest and spiciest burger that Kaoru had ever seen, and this was apparently from a commoner fast-food chain.

'I'm… impressed,' admitted Kaoru, bowing his head in thanks and tasting the weird mixture.

'What do you think?' said Hikaru, unwrapping a duplicate burger.

'Won't be kissing you in a while,' remarked Kaoru, 'that's for sure.'

Hikaru laughed. 'But you'll be kissing Mei.'

Kaoru went quiet, chewing slowly. 'Did you know?' he asked.

'Know what?' asked Hikaru.

Kaoru gestured to the plastic bag and was given a bottle of milkshake. When the burning taste in his mouth diminished, Kaoru turned from the worried expression on Hikaru's face to the scene of cars and commoners beyond the limo window. 'She confessed,' said Kaoru, 'and I didn't know what to say.'

A hand rested on his, squeezing it tight. 'Was she upset?'

'I'm the one who's upset, Hikaru,' snapped Kaoru, closing his eyes.

'Sorry.' The hand was removed; Kaoru could tell that his brother was thinking. 'Do you like her?' said Hikaru, after a while.

'I don't know,' said Kaoru. 'I really don't.'

'Mei would suit you, you know. She makes you smile.'

'I just wanted her to like me,' Kaoru murmured, 'for who I am, not for what I–' His throat tightened; he ate a bit of his burger. 'Being away from you has been difficult, Hikaru. It aches here,' he said, pressing a fist to his chest, 'when we can't be together. I hate my room, and I hate being alone. And I didn't want to tell you that in case you were happy.'

'Kaoru…'

'And she gave me this. I don't even know what it is.' He showed Hikaru the gift from Mei, a simple package of brown paper. 'And I can't bring myself to open it.'

'Let me open it, then,' said Hikaru. 'She won't know the difference.'

Kaoru drank his milkshake while the gift was carefully unwrapped, listening as the tape was gently peeled back from the paper and the contents eased out by Hikaru's fingers. Kaoru was embarrassed now, ashamed to have lost his temper. He was normally more patient than this, a lot more rational.

He was definitely changing.

'Hey,' said his twin, 'do you want to use this?'

In Hikaru's palm was a pressed cotton handkerchief with the initials "K.H." sewn in the corner. From the uneven bump of the lettering, Kaoru knew that Mei had sewn them by hand, and the thread she had used was his favourite colour.

_How did she know that?_

Kaoru covered his eyes with the handkerchief. 'God, I'm an idiot…'

'I know,' sighed Hikaru, patting his brother's head, 'which is why you're going to thank her.' And without further ado, Hikaru commanded the chauffeur to drive as fast as he could to Haruhi's apartment, ignoring all protests. 'Tell her how you feel this time or I'll do it myself!' Hikaru warned, as the limo pulled up beside a convenience store.

'Why are you leaving me here?' complained Kaoru. 'Haruhi lives two blocks away or have you forgotten that?'

'If one of us has to be happy, then it has to be you, Kaoru. The walk will help you think.'

Sunshine poured through the open door of the limo.

'Well?' said Hikaru.

For a moment, Kaoru trembled, blinking down at his hands. 'I love you,' said Kaoru, and hugged his twin, who accepted the gesture awkwardly.

'You're meant to say that to her, not me, you fool.'

Kaoru laughed, alighting from the limo. He waved as it merged with the neighbourhood traffic, becoming a bright and shiny blur as it entered the heat that wavered in the distance. Kaoru felt better now, much better. He started walking, leaving behind the convenience store and passing a number of houses. When he reached a pedestrian crossing, he paused, waiting for the man to switch from red to green, even though the road was clear and people were overtaking him.

Turning up to thank Mei would not put things right. Not if thanking her was all he had to say. If Mei could summon the courage to confess, then so could he, but did Kaoru really feel that way? How would he know if he liked her like that? Kaoru knew what falling for Haruhi had been like. It had come in waves, growing with depth and frequency, coming in as strong and reliable as the tide. The longer he stayed in Haruhi's company, the harder it was to leave. And what had finally made it stop was his reluctance to part from Hikaru, his first ever love. It was true what they said about the ones who you first fall in love with. If you fell in love with them properly and really made a go of things, there was no way you could forget how it felt to possess that overwhelming sensation of being cherished and valued.

A wistful smile touched Kaoru's lips as he finally crossed the street. No, he was not in love with Mei like that. Nowhere near. But why were the symptoms all there? Earlier, Kaoru had been just as nervous as Mei, feeling the strain as he waited for her outside the bookstore, then hesitating to hold her hand when she had offered it inside. Even the fabric she had looked at with longing as they browsed the stalls at the flea market had somehow made it through. And what of his obsession with how well she could tell him apart? He could see that Mei had tried – and tried very hard – but when had anyone asked her? Was she trying it as a favour or did she actually care which twin was which? Kaoru flushed, recollecting how Mei had greeted him today, as well as all the pointers she must have compiled over the course of their friendship. His sense of humour, the shadows beneath his eyes, his favourite colour, the parting of his hair – wait, had she ever referred to that?

Kaoru looked up at the building with Haruhi's apartment. He was here now, and within that apartment would be Mei Yasumura and a whole set of futures. What was he going to say again? He had to thank her for the present, right?

Kaoru removed the handkerchief from his pocket and stared at its hand-stitched initials.

_Three words, huh. Was that all it would take? _


	11. Mei: Daisuke

**CHAPTER XI**

Mei rummaged in her bag, looking for the keys. 'Thanks for seeing me home,' she said to her classmate Daisuke, who Mei had bumped into as she was leaving the department store. They were standing outside the Fujioka apartment, sheltered from the rain which had begun to pour down. In the absence of any wind, it fell with little direction from a bank of low-hanging clouds, seizing every crevice on the concrete below. Despite only spending minutes in the deluge, their clothes were thoroughly wet, skin appearing through pockets in the dampest parts of their outfits.

As Mei pushed aside textbooks and miscellaneous tubes of make-up, she peered at the curious sight of Daisuke waiting opposite. He was leaning against the railings, squeezing the tails of his white linen shirt and watching the excess water dribble from the fabric. He had given his blazer to Mei, holding the garment over her head as they raced across the street to the dryness of the gangway. It was the kindest thing he had done since they first started high school. Normally, she would be edging past his fan club and blocking out their rants on what a great person he was, but Mei could see quite clearly why they seemed to like him.

'Have you been working out?' she asked, nodding at the muscles showing visibly through Daisuke's shirt.

Startled, her classmate glanced up from the task of drying his clothes before glancing back down to see what she meant. 'Maybe,' Daisuke answered with a tone of mystery as he smoothed back the hair obscuring his eyes. 'Damn it,' he cursed, yanking on the wavy strands that were formerly straight. 'Nobody can see me like this! I've spent hours on this image!'

'You've ruined your mouth, too,' Mei pointed, indicating the smudge on Daisuke's lower lip and suppressing a laugh as he fussed around with it. _For a guy ranked so high for his natural looks, he's really not that careful_…Before speaking with him at the restaurant, Mei had always assumed that Daisuke was proud and unfriendly due to the way that he generally looked. As he rarely smiled or changed his indolent stare, it was easy to think that he disdained other people or perceived them as fools who would do his every bidding. But today had been different.'We never speak at school or even hang out,' said Mei, finding her keys at the bottom of her bag, 'so why were you nice, buying me lunch?'

Daisuke shrugged. 'You're cool, I guess.' He was still perturbed by the smudge she had mentioned. He kept rubbing it with a finger, eyes on the ground.

Mei smiled. She was saddened by the fact that Daisuke had said this. After leaving the café, she had run to the nearest public toilets, wishing that Kaoru had said something similar. She had only confessed because she was certain – so certain – that Kaoru would like her. If there had been any chance of rejection, then she would have never confessed in the first place. So where had Mei gone so wrong? Why had Kaoru just stared at her as if he really had no clue? There were so many signs which had led Mei to this moment, like when she had offered her hand in the bookstore and the way he had blushed at receiving the gift. And what had become of that gift? She recalled her cell-phone ringing once, twice, three times, but she had been too afraid to pick up.

_Stupid, stupid, _stupid!_ How the hell do we move on from this? How the hell do we move on? _

If only Mei had known that things would go so badly, then perhaps she would have done all she could to halt the confession. As much as she would have loved him to like her back, there was no way she could survive the loss of him as a friend. Kaoru was a good friend, a good person, whether he agreed with the description or not. He had done so much for Mei since she had met him, running after her to apologise for his brother's misdemeanours and making her laugh over bowls of ramen whilst plotting all the while to give her that fabric…

_Yet what have I done for Kaoru in return? Was the handkerchief really enough?_

Daisuke snapped his fingers, breaking Mei from her private reverie. 'Look,' he said, sliding a finger down his cheek and displaying a foundation-free digit with a smirk of triumph. 'Waterproof with endurance: the best a goth can buy. If you want, I can tell you where to find it.'

'No thanks. I'm a ganguro, not a goth,' said Mei, inserting her key in the lock. 'Do your fans know you're a member of the dark side? From what I've seen at school, we can hardly tell you're a goth…'

'Please,' sighed Daisuke, 'I wear black all the time. If it wasn't for me, our uniforms would be navy.'

Mei rolled her eyes.

'Can I ask you a question?'

'What's that?'

'Earlier… why were you crying?'

Mei paused. 'What, have you been stalking me?'

'I saw you with a guy and he made you upset.'

'Yeah? So what.'

Daisuke grabbed Mei by the arm and fixed her with a look of concern. 'Who was he, Yasumura?'

'He's just a friend!'

'A friend who made you cry?'

'Just what do you want from me? How the hell is this any of your _business?'_

The hand on her arm loosened, returning to Daisuke's side. His eyes were drifting towards the rain, where it plunged in jagged lines beyond the dripping gangway. A fine, warm mist was clouding the city and the smell of smoke and earth lingered heavily in the air. Before she knew it, Daisuke had drawn her into his arms, lightly embracing her shivering frame. 'If there's one thing I hate the most in the world,' Daisuke murmured into the dampness of her hair, 'it's the sight of a crying woman.'

Mei sobbed, turning her face inwards and pressing it against Daisuke's shirt. She detected the scents of detergent and aftershave, clean and comforting scents on her worst afternoon. 'He rejected me, alright,' Mei whispered, her voice shaking slightly. 'I realised that I liked him, but he doesn't like me back… Besides, I don't even know why I'm telling you this.'

From the corner of her eye, Mei saw the apartment door swinging open. Thinking it must be Haruhi, she remained motionless, still in Daisuke's arms, not caring in the least if Haruhi saw her. They were friends, after all, and Mei would spill the details once her gothic classmate had gone, yet it should have occurred to Mei that Haruhi might not be alone. As Haruhi opened the door, revealing a cluster of shoes crowding the limited hallway, one pair in particular struck a chill in Mei's soul. Just past her friend's shoulder was a cinnamon-haired figure standing not far from the entrance. He was staring at Mei and Daisuke, his expression unreadable. Around his right arm were the bandages from Haruhi's First Aid kit, and his outfit was the same as the one he had worn this morning.

For the first time in their friendship, Mei wished that she could not tell the difference.

'You have to go,' she told Daisuke, ending their embrace and giving him back his blazer.

Daisuke glanced over at Kaoru, his black-painted smile enigmatic. 'See you in class,' Daisuke said to Mei, and covered his hair with the blazer.

As Daisuke disappeared, footsteps rattling faintly on the gangway, so did the courage of Mei Yasumura in the light of her current problem. Without speaking, she started to untie her sandals, tugging at the leather straps with clumsy, trembling fingers and hoping that Kaoru would be calm enough to listen. _What am I going to say? That I replaced him with a classmate just in case he said "no"? I know this makes me look bad… I'd be demanding explanations if Kaoru had done this! So why can't I explain? Why can't I talk to him?_

'Mei,' spoke Haruhi, her tone strangely tender. 'I'm going to make tea.' She moved from the hallway into the kitchen and squeezed Kaoru's hand as she passed him in the corridor. Mei noticed that he failed to squeeze back.

_I've never made him angry before. I've never even seen him angry. So is this how Kaoru looks when he's really upset? _Eyes lifting, Mei dared to study Kaoru's face for any hints that would help her, but his amber stare was dry and worryingly empty. 'Kaoru…' she said, trying not to plead. The knuckles of his left hand twitched, glowing pale as he resisted her appeal. 'Kaoru, speak to me, please…'

Kaoru turned, the tendons of his throat thin and stretched, a muscle in his jaw throbbing. 'Did you mean it?' he asked eventually, catching Mei off-guard with the coldness in his voice.

'Of course I did,' Mei replied hoarsely.

'Then why were you with him?'

Mei tensed as Kaoru approached her. 'I wasn't with him, you moron!' She shut her eyes, expecting some kind of reaction, but he gently took her by the wrists and quietly held them.

'This is my answer,' Kaoru whispered, and softly, he kissed Mei on the lips, ending with a sad, neat kiss in the corner of her mouth.

Then she opened her eyes, in time to see him leave.

She realised he was crying.


End file.
